Life is full of surprises. You never know what’s coming next or what is stored for you. But we humans are the only creation of the Almighty who want to create every moment in accordance with our needs, comfort, and desires. We all are full of dreams, hopes, aspirations, and wishes, which we desperately want to become our reality. Somewhere along the way, we are the ones who chalk out a plan to achieve something and put our hundred percent effort into executing it.
Many a time, in the hustle of putting everything in order, we end up making mistakes that later cannot be corrected. We unknowingly become part of a blind race where the finishing line is at infinity because our human desires and needs know no limits. But what happens during the course of the race is much more torturing: not everything goes the way we planned. Life has more exceptions than chemistry!
As soon as we face an unplanned hurdle, we get disappointed. We start doubting our abilities, and on top of it all, we question. A storm starts brewing inside us, the world blurs, and we feel trapped in a desert, asking, “Why did this happen to me?”
Everything that we feel, that you experience, the way we suffer from it, is completely normal. Every emotion of yours is valid. We are humans only because we feel love, pain, anger, jealousy, happiness and every emotion one can think of. But these emotions are not only to be felt, they need to be dealt with.
The Superpower of Acceptance
First thing that we need to understand is that not everything is going to be the way we want it to be. Just like the plot of a drama that sounds super boring without any twist or mystery, similarly, Life becomes interesting when unexpected challenges and surprises pay us sudden visits and that too very often! These challenges and adversities are like a lesson which transforms and builds us as an individual in numerous ways. Many of you will agree with this perspective and many will not. And that’s also totally fine because every human being is different, so, it is quite obvious to have a different opinion.
But the reality that is still there, is that, Problems, Challenges, adversities and unplanned events all these difficulties were there, and will be there, at least till the time u are alive. And yes, it leads to sufferings, hardships, disappointment, sorrow etc. etc. And the saddest part is that, there is neither any magic wand nor any medicine that can convert these emotions of disappointment, sufferings into something that your heart truly desires for. No one else can find a cure for this situation.
But you have a superpower that can transform every challenge into an opportunity: Acceptance.
Isn’t it amazing that, half of the journey is covered if u start accepting your reality. Reality is all that is surrounding you. You are your biggest reality. The way you see, feel and understand everything is your reality, whether it is pleasant or awful. Then, your immediate surrounding, not only the materialistic one but the emotional surrounding as well plays a major part in this. We humans want to find the solution but we deny the problem and curse its existence. So, somewhere in your mind u are already convinced that- this particular situation, incident whatever you want to name it, should not happen or was never supposed or planned by us in this way. As a result of which instead of finding out the solution, one engages into lamenting and thinking that – “why did it happened to me?” that too in a very negative way, where, the intention behind asking why it happened is all about blaming the existing reality and many a times our destiny as well. And we also try to avoid and distract ourselves from the issue as much as it is possible.
Acceptance brings a shift in the direction as well as the intention behind asking the same question. A person at this moment realises that the challenge standing in front of him/ her is his/her reality. We all need to develop this understanding that our current situation (challenge) cannot be changed or erased rather it can be faced.
Yes! we have to face it. Once we and our brain consciously accept that- yes there is a challenge in front of us, then the next step is of standing Infront of it with full confidence, determination and intention of becoming the sole solutionist to your conundrum.
Running away or denying your present is similar to closing your eyes and believing that its dark night while everything is bright and clear on a sunny day. Because closing the eyes is a form of denial which serves no benefit and brings no change to your present condition. If it’s the sun you are facing, then, its warmth, its brightness will be completely surrounding you no matter how tightly you are closing your eyes. Similarly, escaping from your situation, adversities, challenges won’t erase them rather it will make things worse for you, not only physically but mentally too.
When you face the present, when you face your reality, you will be able to analyse the situation more precisely. According to me observing, understanding, analysing and then taking action or creating a framework to approach the issue is what one must do.
But this all starts with you Accepting it.
If you won’t accept, and continue to suppress it, it means you are believing that it does not exists, which is nothing, but a lie. And this becomes the biggest hurdle in your path of finding a solution to your problem.
Let me introduce the “SPRING METAPHOR: Suppression vs. Acceptance. to you all.
Why do we suppress? - we do so in order to gain temporary relief and avoid discomfort. Hence this feels productive and logical to us.
The Spring Effect: Problems or challenges behave like a compressed spring; the moment you deny or try to avoid it. It is simply an act of Distracting instead of Confronting. When you supress a problem, you are applying force downwards, pushing a spring tighter and tighter. Suppression creates an illusion of control and stability while increasing internal tension. Holding a spring down feels like control – until your hands get tired. The longer a spring is compressed the stronger it rebounds. Similarly, our problems become more complex, ignored pain becomes anxiety when we deny and suppress them. Thus, we need to release the spring.
Releasing the Spring: The moment you stop pressing the spring down forcefully, it slowly rises back to its natural shape. That is acceptance.
“Acceptance is not approval. It is Recognition without Resistance.” — Acknowledging a problem is the very first step towards solving it.
Acceptance removes the force and helps to release and ultimately reduce suffering by leading us to the solutions. Always remember that- “Acknowledging a problem is the very first step towards solving it.”
Now moving on to your next question: What happens when we accept the reality?
The moment you accept the reality; you stop fighting what already exists. There is subtle but very profound change that occurs within you:
1. The inner argument ends: Once we start accepting and stop refusing, no more space is left for internal protest. The friction between reality and our preconceived reality subsides. And no more energy is wasted by mind on denial. Now this energy that we reclaimed becomes available for thinking planning and choosing.
2. Stabilized emotions: The Turbulence of emotion comes to rest. Now we are not pushing them away, rather, we are simply allowing them to exist without judgements. Acceptance does not eliminate the emotion; it modifies your approach towards dealing it. We must always remember that “What is allowed is processed. What is resisted is repeated.” Thus, stop resisting and start allowing.
3. Shifting from distortion to clarity: When we avoid reality, we assume the situation to be permanent, whereas it is merely a Phase. As soon as we start accepting, the emotional fog is removed
and now we start seeing: What is and what is not in our control?
We begin to find out what really matters at this moment and what can be dealt later on. Basically, at this stage we begin defining our problem. And a defined problem is already half solved.
4. Victimhood to Authorship: Acceptance leads to Authority. Until and unless we accept the existence of the problem or challenge, we cannot change it, we cannot influence it. to change and influence it we need to step into it. Now we step into participation and begin to think about choices available to us and plan our next step.
5. Returning back to reality: What felt like a never-ending loop of fear, anxiety, denial, turmoil and inability now seems to be a jigsaw puzzle which can be solved in minutes. Now we are anchored in present. Our focus shifts to now- the present reality and as a result our Action mode gets activated.
6. Journey towards the solution begins: Once we accept, we start thinking for available choices. We regain authority and confidence to act. And once we start doing, we naturally embark on a journey whose destination is nothing but the solution. But one thing is to be kept in mind that acceptance will not give solutions, it will create the conditions where we can find a workable solution. Acceptance leads to alignment of our thoughts. We now can think rationally and flexibly. Our creativity and enthusiasm return. Our intentions change and we Shift from stagnation to proactive mode taking small steps to resolve our problems. And gradually derive a solution.
Acceptance does not change the reality – but it changes the position from which we meet or see it. once it changes, action becomes possible.
Acceptance does not arrive all at once. It arrives quietly, in pauses, in moments when we stop arguing with the day. Now let me introduce some of the soft practices that will definitely help you:
(Disclaimer: these are not techniques to fix life- they are ways to sit beside it.)
1. Journaling as your witness: simply open your writing pad, notebook or one plain white sheet will also serve the purpose. Open it by thinking that you are opening up your mind, your heart and everything that is brewing inside you. Start writing (5-10 mins.). Write answers to the following questions:
1. What is happening right now?
2. What I am feeling?
3. What I am trying to avoid?
Write only that is true. By writing the truth about your feelings you will feel lighter. When truth is written gently, it serves as a proof of your reality and thus it no longer needs to shout.
2. Mindful self-talk: Speak to yourself like someone you love-Be kind and gentle with yourself. Talk to yourself with love. No self-attacks, no self-pitying, just love and compassion for yourself.
Don’t question your emotions, validate them. Try replacing the statements. Gently change the structure of the statements that you speak related to your situation.
YOUR EMOTION
REPLACE WITH
“I can’t handle this.”
“This is difficult, and I am here with it.”
“This shouldn’t be happening.”
“I don’t like this, and I’m learning to stay present.”
By validating the emotions, you are ultimately accepting reality and letting yourself to understand that by feeling in such way you are not doing any wrong. Speak with yourself once daily for at least 10 minutes. Communication is the key to solve many issues, many conflicts. Hence, it’s the time to communicate with yourself that too a proper structure. Acceptance language softens the nervous system.
3. Bodily / Physical acceptance: Acceptance at physical level is as important as it is at emotional and mental level. So, just sit still, unclench your jaw and lower your shoulders. Sit in a relaxed position and breathe in and out slowly. While doing so scan yourself from head to toe and try releasing tension from any part of the body by saying “You are allowed to stay here.” This reinforces the reality. When you breathe out, imagine as your one negative thought is expelled out of your body. You can even try placing something down while you exhale. This brings a sense of letting something to come down.
4. Stream-of-consciousness writing (Mental unloading): Set a timer for about 7 minutes. Start writing without stopping.
Let your thoughts come out. Let them spill without shape. Fear, anxiety, grief, frustration, anger- welcome them all with open arms. Always keep in your mind, the more we express, the more space is cleared. Unexpressed emotions keep swirling in your mind creating confusion and discomfort, thus, expressing them reduces the resistance. If you want, tear the page- as release matters the most.
5. “AND” leads to end: Here we practice reframing statements through ‘And’. Some of the sentences are- “This is painful and I am still breathing.” Or “I feel lost and I can take one step”
This allows coexistence instead of inner conflict
6. Change your relationship with control: Divide the reality into two columns-
7. One line of honesty: one simple line, one simple truth – “today, what I accepted instead of fighting was______”. One can even write about what they realize during the period. This trains our mind to recognize.
“Acceptance as strength”.
Then, simply close the notebook. Acceptance is rarely
8. Letter to reality: Write a letter to reality. Start with: “Dear reality…I am tired of fighting you …...”
Be honest and pour your heart out. Express your emotions to your present situation by imagining it as a person. Someone, whom you are confessing everything.
End with – “Even though I don’t like this, I’m willing to meet it as it is”This releases emotional disturbance. No more suppression.
Suppressing reality is just like holding down the spring with utmost force. But when you finally let it go, the spring regains its natural state. Same happens with our thoughts and emotions. Acceptance creates the room for new perspectives. It clears the mental fog and relief the brain from the congestion of thoughts full of negativity, confusion, fear and avoidance.
So, if you are feeling helpless and stuck, there is no need to trouble yourself. Just calm yourself down. There is absolutely no need to find answers for all your questions and doubts immediately. You only need to start communicating with yourself honestly, without any filter. Until and unless you name it, you can’t deal with it.
Always remember, Acceptance is not the end, it is the beginning of change and new possibilities!
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